Can’t think how I missed this. Kristy posted a poem a couple of days ago on her MySpace called The Legion of the Dead. Hoo boy. This one is begging to be parodied! This is her fifth stanza.
Down below,
where the earth’s crust boils
hot molten lava,
many have fallen,
angels dressed in black,
their wings lined
in the silver dust
that lays beneath the earths depth.
Is there a single Earth, or are there multiple Earths? Did Earth divide itself like an amoeba somewhere in the middle of that stanza?
And here’s her last stanza:
It has begun,
armagedon brings forth
the legion of the dead
for the long awaited war.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, The Legion of Nitwits is preparing for war.
even without the errors, it is still bad poetry. It contains many of the errors I dislike in modern poetry.
Check out her other one there, Rusty. It is called “The Poison Pen”, or something like that. Looks like we are all going to hell for having an opinion that differs from others. *tired sigh* Subtly is not her strong point either, apparently.
I also have an issue with “the earth’s crust boils hot molten lava.” I was always taught that the mantle was molten. Yes, there are active volcanoes, and geothermal hot spots, where it’s much closer to the surface, but that’s not what Tallman’s getting at in this poem. And, hot and molten are redundant.
She’s another fact-checking genius like Daggy.
It’s absolutely horrible poetry. The only redeeming fact about it is that its not:
a) Whiny goth crap about “the soul”
b) Forcing end rhymes in an unmetrical line.
But still. You can’t take dull prose and chop it into lines. Poetry just doesn’t work that way.
At 13:13 hours, Friday, radio and television stations worldwide tuned themselves to marine frequency 156.800, used for international distress, safety and calling. A Gilbert Gottfried-like voice announced: “Hell’s Angels to the left, and Heaven’s Devils to the right. Prepare for battle. ‘Armagedon’ is coming. Over and out.”
*sharpens tines of pitchfork*
*files hooves*
*steps to the right*
*wonders why I’m still in my den and shuffles off to bed*