Not content to hand out lousy advice on Shocklines, Lorenzo put up an entire essay on his blog advising newbie authors how to make money at book signings and sales booths.
AT OUTDOOR EVENTS & FOR THE INDEPENDENT/NEWBIE AUTHOR
by Lawrence R. Dagstine
That appears to be the subtitle of his essay. Brilliant, I say.
As many people already know, I came out of a series of signings at Coney Island, New York this past summer with a decent intake on such titles as FRESH BLOOD (see Books & Anthos), and more.
Intake sounds like a pipe that sucks in air. Don’t mind me; we just built a convection grate for our fireplace. He should have said revenue, or profit.
The checks that come in repetitively or non-repetitively may pay for such things as utility bills, groceries, little odds and ends in places like Rite-Aid, CVS, or Walmart, co-pays on prescriptions, dinner and a movie, or something as simple as a gallon of milk or filling up your gas tank.
So that’s how he could afford to drive a couple of hours across state lines to stalk me IRL. Apparently, such basic needs aren’t covered by his government dole check.
For example, right now I’m doing people’s resumes. If you’re already an established, professional author with a couple of novels out, this information probably won’t help you, as you already make a nice income from being an upper midlist author or being able to relax on what royalties and advances you make from mass market paperbacks.
If his own resume that he posted on LinkedIn is any indication, he can’t write a resume worth a damn. His next sentence really sounds like a stab at mid-listers (Leisure authors, perhaps?). Note his use of italics for the word upper, in reference to mid-listers, as if anyone below that level could use his advice.
Larry, honey, anyone above your cellar-dweller status who even reads your essay will do so in the same manner that people stare in awe at a car crash.
However, if you’re an independent/micro-press author who lives in a big city or a pretty happening little town, whose been published in lots of print magazines, maybe a few anthologies, has a new book or collection available through a POD press, has access to a small newspaper (bonus points here), this information might help you . . .
This guy’s braggadocio to accomplishment ratio is astronomical. Do I get bonus points for receiving free local newspapers in my mailbox? As far as I’m concerned, that counts as having access to them.
Most likely, you work a day job, or maybe you’re on a fixed income. You need to rely on a budget throughout, cut corners when necessary, because this article is recession-friendly. People may perceive you as a hack, an amateur . . .
It’s called being on the dole, Larry, since you’re not old enough to collect Social Security. Of course your article is “recession-friendly,” as you put it. It’s free, and worth every penny.
In this economy, if you don’t expect family or friends to show up (or friends of those friends), chances are you’ll only sell less than twenty copies anyway and look like a schmuck at a table in the corner with a bowl of lollipops or cookies.
Ah. That’s how he enticed people to his booth. He probably counted every cookie and lollipop sucker as a sale.
I chose Coney Island because . . . I knew people, and I made connections.
Yeah — Flea Market Larry checked out the registration page on the web, made reservations, then paid his registration fee each day (three or four of them, over the course of the summer, I think it was). Connections, my ass.
One writer asked me how much should he pay for tables (or, in some cases, booths). I would say if you’re an independent author DO NOT pay more than a hundred bucks for a table (but that’s just me). If you don’t come out of your signings making a minimum of 70 to 80% profit, don’t even bother reserving a spot.
*snerk*
Larry paid $10 a day for his table/booth. Do the math. How does $17-18 in daily revenue, for three or four days equate to $1200 profit? I know he said “minimum,” but with Lorenzo, minimum and maximum are pretty much the same thing.
Just sell a few used books, sports cards and comics on the side, you’ll make that back in no time flat.
That’s because nobody wants your books, Larry. They buy the other stuff, if anything. Why not just sell candy apples? Oh, right — you were selling cookies and lollipops. There’s probably a higher profit margin in those, anyway.
Other genre wares should be meant to cover the cost of your table and traveling expenses. This is a must!
That’s because your own crap won’t do it.
Get up and be a regular PT Barnum. Be jovial. Prepare what’s called a pitch. For example: “Hello, Ma’am, you’re looking lovely today. You must love to read. Oh, don’t be shy. I bet you have a soft spot for books reminiscent of Stephen King and JK Rowling!”
*gag*
My very first signing on that very first day in June was a disaster. Why? Because I had only brought Fresh Blood with me and a few used books by pulp authors. Luckily, that first day I covered the cost of the booth (it was only $30 at the time) . . .
If he paid $30, then he must have upgraded to the most expensive one available, in a prime location. None of the booths at Coney cost more than that; I saw the web page that listed the rental fees. Aside from this, it’s pretty damning evidence from the horse’s own ass mouth that people didn’t give a rat’s patootie about his book.
Also, he really did post a photo of a letter he received, titled “snail-mail.jpg,” without blacking out his street address.
*right-click/save image as*
Not to mention I looked like a big tool just sitting there with one Dagstine-related item to my name when, back home, I had hundreds of print periodicals I could have toted with me.
Hahahaha. What did you expect, Larry?
People were complimenting me because of the covers of the magazines.
Notice that he didn’t say they liked the cover of his own book.
One person said, “So you must be Brooklyn’s SF Writer.”—I said, “Okay.” I just totally went with it.
In other words, you lied, Lorenzo. I expected no less from you, but most people wouldn’t admit it in public.
